Ava (after she proclaimed herself king, and the rest of us her humble people): “No, no, you cannot eat any bread, we do not have bread for you in the castle.”
Me: “But what should we eat then?”
Ava (after a little pause, points her finger at me): “You can eat cake.”

Ava, 4

“Why was I born so cute?”

Ian - age 4

My step-daughter’s bedroom is upstairs and she sleeps on the top bunk of a bunk-bed, so it tends to be warmer up there. A few nights ago she was in bed and yelled down for her dad. He went upstairs to see what she needed and she said, “It’s hotter than a mother up here.”

Tristan, 6

We’re driving down the street and pass a couple of young men (LDS boys on bicycles, on their mission) who are dressed in the traditional slacks, dress shoes, and white shirt with a tie.  I ask my daughter if she knows why they’re riding while all dressed up, and who they are.  She replies “they’re going to peoples houses to tell them about God.  I think they’re called ROMANS.”  (She meant Mormons…) Needless to say, I almost had to pull over…

Elaine, 7

Mom, I’m going to take a bath so I can get clean and sober!

Simon, 4

Yuna: Mom I love these bath fibbies
Me: Fizzies
Yuna: Huh?
Me: Fizzies. They are called bath fizzies
Yuna: Fibbies
Me: No, FiZZies
Yuna: FiBBies
Me: No with a “Z”, “Zeeeeeee” - Fizzies.
Yuna: That’s what I said, bath fibbies!
Me: Not Fibbies - Fizzies!!
Yuna: FIBBIES
Me: FIZZIES!
Yuna: Yeah FIBBIES! Why do you keep saying that?? I said it already! Fibbies, bath fibbies, I get it.
Me: I don’t think you do.

Yuna, 5

Yuna: Juantees!! Juantees!!!
Me: What???
Yuna: *very matter of fact* It means hooray in Spanish - in China
Me:  And I thought I was confused before you explained it.

Yuna, 5

My son likes to google pictures on my phone. One day he asked to see pictures of Michael Jackson. He came across a picture of him as a child and said, wide-eyed “Michael Jackson is BLACK!?!?!?”

Daniel, 7

Earlier in the day we past a restaurant that smelled like fish. Then when we went to the public washroom… and she said, “It smells like fish in here TOO!”

Hannah, 5

I was getting into the shower. My son laughed a bit, then points at my chest and said “eyes.”

Campbell, 18 months