My son was in the same room as me when I was getting dressed one day. I scratched the top of my left breast a little and he said, “Mommy, you are touching your —-!”

I said to him, “I just have an itch,” to which he responded, “That’s *your* excuse!”

Jet, 4

Jax: Mommy, here’s a little piece of toilet paper to wipe the tip.

Mommy: The tip of what?

Jax: Your penis.

Jax, 3

When I woke up one morning with a sore throat, raspy voice, and fever, my three-year-old, Emilie, asked me what was wrong. I said, “Mama has a cold…” and she felt my cheek for a minute before saying, “No. You has a hot!”

Emilie, 3

To pregnant mommy: Mommy, If there was a fat person contest you would win! Yay!

Billy, 5

Mommy: “Kate come here and let me give you a big fat kiss.”
Kate:  ”Why Mommy, because you are fat?”

Kate, 3

“MOMMY! I have a headache in my foot!”

Aimee, 4

Mommy!  quick get me out of the bathtub!  I stayed too long and now my fingers are pickles!”

Kate, 3

Alix: “Mom, did you hear the hearth quake last night? There was a rumbling…”
Hugo: “Yeah…that was my stomach!!”

Hugo, 6

To another child at preschool: “You’re fat like a cow!”
The teacher explains to her that she can’t call people that.
5 minutes later to the same child: “You’re not thin like yarn!”

Evelyn, 4

Mom:  Nathaniel, do you know anything about sex yet?
Nathaniel:  No, I haven’t seen that movie.

Nathaniel, 6