(On seeing Princess Giselle enter the ball in a sleek purple ball gown and hair flowing over her shoulders)

Wow, mom, she looks just like you! Well, except you wear flip flops more often.

Logan, 10

Mama, what is that yummy smell? Your deodorant? You just HAVE to put that stuff all over your body!

Daphne, 6

Mom! There’s something wrong with that kid. He says he likes cars better than Nintendo! It’s the end of time!

Dylan, 7

Bad is not good

Liam, 6

Mommy, my tummy really really hurts.  I think video games would make it feel a lot better.

“Why is there a sprinkler on and no one is playing in it?”

Kenzie, 6

Mom: Allie, are you pooped yet?
Allie: What does that mean?
Mom: It means you’re tired.
Allie: Oh. No. I’m not pooped.

[Long pause.]

Allie: I’m peed.
Mom: Huh?!
Allie: Pooped means I’m tired, peed means I’m awake. I’m peed.

Allie, 3.5

Lance: Uncle Joe, I like your lady friend.
Uncle Joe: Thank you, do you want to marry her?
Lance: I can’t marry her. I can’t even make my own chocolate milk.

Lance, 4

Mom, I have ankles in my hair–can you brush them out for me?

Simon, 3

Mom, is it okay to lie to yourself?

Daphne, 6