Mom: Allie, are you pooped yet?
Allie: What does that mean?
Mom: It means you’re tired.
Allie: Oh. No. I’m not pooped.

[Long pause.]

Allie: I’m peed.
Mom: Huh?!
Allie: Pooped means I’m tired, peed means I’m awake. I’m peed.

Allie, 3.5

The toilet is crooked.

Simon, 3

(After mis-aiming)

Dad, you are not lucky. Brooke just tinkled in your bed and now you have to sleep on pee for the rest of your life.

Parker, 4