My son was in the same room as me when I was getting dressed one day. I scratched the top of my left breast a little and he said, “Mommy, you are touching your —-!”

I said to him, “I just have an itch,” to which he responded, “That’s *your* excuse!”

Jet, 4

Jax: Mommy, here’s a little piece of toilet paper to wipe the tip.

Mommy: The tip of what?

Jax: Your penis.

Jax, 3

After being told to go outside and pick up the dog poop, he goes outside, whines and complains.  He comes back in and says, “Mom, I think the dog over-pooped.”

Luke, 8

When I woke up one morning with a sore throat, raspy voice, and fever, my three-year-old, Emilie, asked me what was wrong. I said, “Mama has a cold…” and she felt my cheek for a minute before saying, “No. You has a hot!”

Emilie, 3

Do you know how I memorized 2 x 11? I have this fake pencil in my brain, and it writes down the multiplication!!

Hugo, 6

Tanner: Good morning mommy, I’m done sleeping. I was dreaming.
Mommy: Oh really, what was your dream about?
Tanner: Oh gosh, I don’t think I can remember the whole thing, I never saw that one before.

Tanner, 5

Mom: Time to get up ! there is school today…
Hugo: No, Mommy… I need to go back in my dream!

Hugo, 6

To pregnant mommy: Mommy, If there was a fat person contest you would win! Yay!

Billy, 5

I don’t do that anymore, I used to do that when I was three, but I grew out of it.

Aimee, 4 (on her 4th birthday)

Mommy: “Kate come here and let me give you a big fat kiss.”
Kate:  ”Why Mommy, because you are fat?”

Kate, 3