Dad: Logan, how are those new shoes working out?

Logan: They’re working out fine, Dad. Now please stop asking so many times. It’s creepy.

Logan, 10

[Editor's note: "Red card!"]

Let me tell you a story that I don’t know anything about.

Avery, 5

(While Mom was busy typing an email.)

Simon:  Look Mom!  I’m all stickerd-ly (torso covered in stickers).  I’m a superhero.
Mom:  Wow!  What’s your superpower?
Simon:  When people won’t stop talking, I fly there and put a sticker over their lips.
Mom:  That might be the best superpower there ever was.

Simon, 3

Mom:  Nathaniel, do you know anything about sex yet?
Nathaniel:  No, I haven’t seen that movie.

Nathaniel, 6

Right hand (talking to left hand): You going to fly now?

Left hand: No. I no fly. I no have wings.

Mom: You can’t fly because you don’t have wings. That’s true, baby.

Henry: Shhh. My hands are talking to each other.

Henry, 2.5

I am not cheating, I am just finding a new way to win!

Alex, 6

(On seeing Princess Giselle enter the ball in a sleek purple ball gown and hair flowing over her shoulders)

Wow, mom, she looks just like you! Well, except you wear flip flops more often.

Logan, 10

Mama, what is that yummy smell? Your deodorant? You just HAVE to put that stuff all over your body!

Daphne, 6