Mom! There’s something wrong with that kid. He says he likes cars better than Nintendo! It’s the end of time!

Dylan, 7

Bad is not good

Liam, 6

Mommy, my tummy really really hurts.  I think video games would make it feel a lot better.

“Why is there a sprinkler on and no one is playing in it?”

Kenzie, 6

Mom: Allie, are you pooped yet?
Allie: What does that mean?
Mom: It means you’re tired.
Allie: Oh. No. I’m not pooped.

[Long pause.]

Allie: I’m peed.
Mom: Huh?!
Allie: Pooped means I’m tired, peed means I’m awake. I’m peed.

Allie, 3.5

Lance: Uncle Joe, I like your lady friend.
Uncle Joe: Thank you, do you want to marry her?
Lance: I can’t marry her. I can’t even make my own chocolate milk.

Lance, 4

Mom, I have ankles in my hair–can you brush them out for me?

Simon, 3