Andrew (while cuddling with Mom on the couch): Mom-I love you. I want to marry you.
Mom: Awww, that’s so nice, but you can’t marry Mommy.
Andrew: Yes I can. Why not?
Nicholas: Because! She’s a girl, but she’s a MOM-girl!

Andrew, 5, and brother Nicholas

Dad, you are not lucky. Brooke just tinkled in your bed and now you have to sleep on pee for the rest of your life.

Parker, 4

“Mom, did I ever tell you the tragic story about how I became engaged to a marshmallow?”
“I’m not sure I need to know that one.”
“Well, it’s rather sad.”
“How so?”
“Well, she never spoke to me; she only looked at me with her utter stickiness.”
“So what happened? Did you break up?”
“No, she melted.”

Logan, 9

Ms. Myers, while you were sick we had several substitute teachers, and each one was just more beautiful than the next!

Logan, 5

Jesus got hammered!!

Willie, 3

(Upon being asked what he had learned after the pastor at his parochial preschool gave the class a talk about the meaning of Easter.)

Mom, I’m going to marry you and we are going to live in a house with birthday cakes on the roof.

Simon, 3

Look! POOP-Sky!

Lauren, 2

Oh! Man! My heart is beeping hard!

Hugo, 6

Okay, I’ll get some carrot cake.

(After being told we should buy vegetables at the store, not just junk.)

Simon, 3

Mom: Are you alright in there?
Riley: Yea…(pause) I think I ate too much food!

(after a ten minute stay in the bathroom)

Riley, 10